Tag: growth

Uncategorized

Happy Challenge: Round 2

by KimLeave a Comment on Happy Challenge: Round 2

A little over a month ago, I completed the 100 Happy Days challenge on my instagram. I used it as a way to count down until my trip to Alaska and as a way to make sure I appreciated as many moments as possible in those hundred days.

Challenges like this help to remind me that days are made up of different moments and experiences, and it’s our choice to focus on the good or the bad. For someone who struggled with severe depression for quite a long time, remembering to seek out the light and the good is a very important task. While it’s not a crippling fear of any sort, I do know that for someone like me, it can be easy to sink back into the unhappiness and self-isolation if I’m not conscious of my daily well-being.

All of the seriousness aside, I also enjoyed my first 100 days challenge because I started to find joy in simple things that previously I had taken for granted. A sunny day or simply having some quiet time to write became things that I learned to appreciate far more than before.

I’ve also always been known as somebody who doesn’t tend to finish what she starts. If I was even able to count how many projects I had started and hadn’t finished, I’d be appalled with myself. To say I have commitment issues is putting it lightly. To have completed the photo challenge without skipping a single day or dreading having to post a picture was a huge change for me.

Because of all of this, I decided to do a second round of 100 Happy Days. I’m only three days in as of today, and lot will be happening in the next ninety-seven days, so it should be another fun challenge. The final day (if I did my math correctly- which I didn’t do the first time) is scheduled to be December 31, so I will have moved from Germany to Texas, visited New York City with friends, seen Damien Rice and Jason Mraz in concert, visited family, and moved from Texas to Alaska by the time the hundred days are up. With all the moving and traveling that will be going on, it will also be a good way to keep me grounded.

I wanted to show off a few of my favorite moments from my first round of the challenge. I could have easily picked twice as many photos, but settled with five good memories, because they helped shape my growth during those hundred days.

day8

A few of the girls that quickly became my family while in Frankfurt. I know without a doubt that these three are lifetime friends and I wouldn’t trade our laughs and deep talks for the world.

day11

I visited Berlin for the first time nine years ago, and my visit in May this year was just as wonderful. I got to show off the unique city to my parents, and the East Side Gallery of the Berlin Wall will probably always be one of my favorite sights to visit in the world

day30

My job isn’t always just fun and playing games with the kids I watch. Sometimes, it gets very stressful and overwhelming. This Wednesday was one of those days of constant running around with no break in sight. The host mom I work for sent me out for drinks with friends, and being able to spend all night talking about everything under the sun was just what I needed.

day67

Another photo tied to a memory of a day that didn’t start out all that well. It was the 4th of July, and the only day where I was painfully homesick. I wanted to go out and celebrate with fireworks and barbecue, but without any Americans to spend the day with, I felt completely isolated. I ended up traveling to the American air force base close to where I live and spending the evening out there. It was one of those emotional days, but I ended up enjoying the evening and learning I can celebrate a holiday without needing to be surrounded by friends or family.

day90

Paris. All of Paris will be a fond life memory, but being able to just sit and enjoy the view of the Eiffel Tower from my friend’s apartment was the most serene I felt the entire time I was in France. Oh, to be able to go back there and spend hours writing on that balcony. A girl can always dream.

listening to: Alt-J

Uncategorized

Lessons

by Kim3 Comments on Lessons

side note: this was written on 8/8, but I was in Alaska without internet for my birthday, and have been incredibly busy back in Frankfurt since.

The day is finally here..the day I turn twenty-five. This birthday has always seemed more of an obstacle to me than thirty for some reason. Perhaps it’s the fact that twenty-five makes me officially a quarter of a century old? That’s at least the only explanation I can think of.

At times, I don’t feel old enough to be this age. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished the things that I thought I would be now. But then I really stop to think about all that I have done and I realize that maybe I’m doing pretty well after all. Maybe not all of the moments in my life have been pleasant ones, but I’ve learned from every single one of them and I truly believe they’ve helped me to become a better person. Yes, some of the lessons are textbook thoughts that you tend to read in every self-help or coming-of-age article known to man, but they don’t seem like that big of a deal until you really live them.

  1. The painful moments show your strength more than the pleasant ones
    • This past year was a particularly difficult one for me. Years 22 and 23 were hard with moving, family members with cancer, and a miscarriage, but then 24 came and hit me like a ton of bricks after the end of a marriage. I remember thinking so many times through those years that this was just my life now- a collection of sob stories and hurt. However, now that I’ve made it through that period, I know just how strong I can be when I need to be.
  2. Asking for help is perfectly acceptable
    • For the longest time, I felt like in order to be strong, I had to take care of everything myself. Nobody that knew me really knew how much I was falling apart inside because I refused to let it show. I finally realized that I simple was unable to help myself and be emotionally healthy, so I started seeing a therapist, and it was the best thing I could have possibly done for myself.
  3. Your comfort zone is meant to be broken down
    • Moving to a different country is obviously the biggest comfort zone I’ve stepped out of, but there are little ones that go along with that: learning a new language, trying to make new friends, eating new foods. Sadly enough, I think the food issue was the biggest one for me. Any of my friends and family back home can tell you that I’m an extremely picky eater. Guess what? Not anymore!
  4. Not everything is meant to be
    • Sometimes, the things you hope and dream for don’t come true. You see certain things lining up and you think it’s going to blossom into a beautiful story, but more often than not, it’s a passing coincidence. I’ve had to tell myself time and time again to not get hung up on what “could be”.
  5. However, once in a great while, fate can take over
    • I realize this is contradictory to the last point, but there can come a time when everything just falls into place and you have no idea how or where, but appreciating the magic of that moment is all you can do. I think almost everyone gets to experience this to some degree in their lives, no matter how big or small, so if and when it does happen, embrace it.
  6. Treasure the time you have
    • I think I’ve always intellectually known that being thankful for the time you spend with loved ones is very important, but in the day-to-day, I tend to forget it. In the past few years, both of my grandmothers’ health has dramatically gone downhill, and I find myself wishing I had been able to spend more time with them to learn from them and to just hear stories about my family. When I’m in the states, I spend as much time with them as I can, but it’s impossible to get any of that lost time back.
  7. Spur of the moment decisions can sometimes lead to the greatest adventures
    • When I took the au pair job in Germany, I had a week to get my plane ticket and pack everything. I’m fairly certain that everyone I knew thought I had lost my mind because it was such a quick decision. I believe that sometimes following your gut is the best decision. When you’re young and have nothing to hold you back in your life, seeing what else is out there is a wonderful option
  8. Creating good habits can be a mind-saver
    • When I moved to Germany, I started journaling. I can’t count the amount of times I had previously started to keep a journal, but this time I kept at it. It supposedly takes around a month to make or break a habit, so I just wrote every day until I had what can only be described as a compulsion to write. At times, it’s the only way I’ve been able to stay sane and in control of everything going on around me.
  9. Some things should be experienced by yourself
    • People will always come and go. Even family won’t always be there, no matter how close you are. There will be some times in your life that you have to learn to be alone. There’s a sense of accomplishment that comes when you successfully complete a task on your own. I thankfully learned this lesson young, but I know that if I hadn’t, I would be much more dependent on people around me. Independence is a good thing.
  10. Take time to reflect and improve
    • You can always be better in some aspect of your life. There is always always room for improvement. I think the times that I’ve grown the most is when I’ve just stopped to take a step back from my life and looked for the areas that are need for improvement the greatest.
  11. You cannot compare your life to anyone else’s life and expect to be content
    • For as long as I can remember, I’ve compared myself to the people around me. Other people always had better bodies, prettier clothes, nicer houses, etc. Instead of learning to appreciate all of the good things I had to offer, I was constantly trying to keep up or surpass what other people had. Trust me, it makes for a very unhappy life.
  12. Learn to stand up for yourself
    • There are bound to be people out there who will try to take advantage of you. It may be in a relationship and it may even be in a job. Knowing what your responsibilities are and what should be expected of you versus what actually is being expected of you is key. There can be a very fine line between trying to help someone and being taken advantage of. I’ve always been one to try and make people happy, even if it means not getting what I want or believe I deserve, but there are a few times where I’ve had to put my foot down and I’m glad I was able to stand up for myself when it was necessary.
  13. Not all friendships will last for all eternity
    • I had a friend in elementary school that I could have sworn I would have been best friends with for the rest of my life. Our friendship lasted through several different moves, but for some reason, the communication slowly faded to nothing. I tried and tried to reach out to her, but it was a one-sided attempt. I finally just had to tell myself that maybe she was just finished with the friendship and had moved on with her life. If I’m honest, it still makes me sad, but I also know there’s nothing else I can do to get that friendship back
  14. You don’t have to justify your decisions or actions to everyone
    • Sometimes, you are the only person who needs to know the reasoning behind the decision you make. Everyone and their mother is going to have an opinion on that piercing you got when you were 18, the dozens of different hair styles you’ve had, or the huge move you’re planning. Some of the big, life-changing decisions may warrant an outside opinion, but make sure it’s one that you trust. Just make sure you’re doing them for the right reason.
Alaska- August 2014
Alaska- August 2014
Uncategorized

A Reflection

by KimLeave a Comment on A Reflection

When I started this blog, I fully intended on writing at least twice a week. Once a week would have even been a decent goal. Writing one time twenty days ago does not really fit those intentions.

I’ve had the week off  thanks to the family I work for leaving on holiday. I treasure this quiet time more than I ever imagined I would. I get hours to spend skyping friends and family back home, all the time I can dream of to write, and a quiet house to myself. Just as an example, I typically wake up in between 6 and 6:30 for work, but I got to sleep in until 11 today. I had a lazy lunch complete with a bowl full of mango and pineapple left over from a late-night snack last night, played some music as loud as I wanted and actually sang along, and now I’m out on the second floor balcony watching the sun set while I drink a coffee and get more writing in. While I was cooking up an easy dinner (mozzarella and pesto grilled cheese- hooray simplicity!), it occurred to me that I have been living in Germany for exactly 6 months today.

When I first moved here, I didn’t know a single person. I knew the smallest handful of words, but nothing that would be helpful in communicating with any German speaker. Most importantly, I had never lived further than a day’s drive away from home and had no idea what living in another country would entail. Although I know many people probably saw this move as a way to escape from reality and the problems that had been haunting me for a few years back in the states, I truly believe it was the best decision I could have ever made for a multitude of reasons, including these:

  1. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone
    • When you move to another country, you leave your old life and habits behind. I’ve always been an extremely picky eater, as any of my family members can attest to. While I realize trying new foods may not be a big issue, it’s a huge one for me. I eat more vegetables on a daily basis now than I did in several months back in the states (but no mom, I still cannot stand broccoli). I’ve also had to learn to put myself out there in terms of getting to know people. As a textbook introvert, small talk and making the first move when trying to meet people are two of the most uncomfortable things I can imagine doing. However, not knowing anybody meant that I needed to put myself out there and make friends. I’m just happy the people I met felt inclined to invite me along when they went out.
  2. I’ve become more financially responsible
    • I’ve said this before, but an au pair makes a very very small paycheck. The job is more about experiencing life in another country than building wealth, which I was aware of getting into it, but what I wasn’t aware of was how expensive it is to live in one of the biggest cities in the country. I typically spend at least two days or nights a week doing something in the city, so I’ve had to really learn to budget my money to allow for all of the dinners and drinks spent out with friends.
  3. I’ve expanded my world view
    • When you move out of your country for the first time, especially one as present in the media as the United States, you get a lot of different responses when you tell people where you are from. You get all sorts of questions about your opinions on every topic imaginable, and it can come as a bit of a culture shock when you have to explain certain beliefs or practices that are commonly welcomed in the states. As just a singular example, when the American spy discovered in the German parliament scandal broke, I really had to put myself into the German mindset to understand how they must be feeling. Perhaps it can be attributed to our history in the Cold War or the overwhelming obsession that Hollywood seems to have with espionage, but while discovering spies in a government-type environment was a bit shocking, it didn’t seem like a huge deal overall. However, the German experience with spy networks was very different than the American one because of the division of the country after the second world war, but it wasn’t something I had ever really thought of until living here and seeing how private most of the German lifestyle is.
  4. I’m learning to be more independent
    • While I’m still not very proficient in the German language, I can understand enough to survive at a grocery store, restaurant, or wandering around town. I’ve learned how to navigate public transport better than I had imagined seeing as I had never lived with public transportation prior to six months ago. I can figure out solutions to my problems easier than I knew possible, and traveling by myself is an incredibly exhilarating experience. shameless plug- make sure you’re following my instagram in the next few weeks as I get to visit Paris, Lugano, and Alaska!
  5. I’m happy
    • I haven’t written much about this on this blog, but until late last year, I had been struggling with severe depression for several years. It caused me a myriad of problems, including extreme weight gain, terrible body image, staying in unhealthy relationships, and just a general dismal outlook on every aspect of my life. While moving halfway across the world isn’t the only positive change I’ve made in my life since last year, it’s certainly one of the biggest. I’m still working through some of those issues, but I believe completely removing myself from that atmosphere was a huge help. Even though being an au pair definitely isn’t in my future for several years, I am appreciative of the lessons I’m learning through all of this hard work, and I know that the discipline I’m learning will pay off for the rest of my life. I’m growing up, and I’m happy in the direction that growth is taking me.
IMG_1842
A cloudy day in the old Frankfurt city center

listening to: Ed Sheeran