Horrible Holidays

Christmas was incredibly hard this year (or last year if you want to be technical)

I had mentally prepared myself for the feelings of loneliness, or I thought I had. I knew I was going to be mopey, so I just wanted to stay home and out of everyone’s way. Nobody wants to be about a debbie downer on Christmas. That plan didn’t quite work out, so I was off to spend the holidays with family. Overall, it was a lovely time, but in those quiet moments, I just felt so alone.

I bounce between wanting to surround myself with people just to keep my mind occupied and wanting to be by myself and wallow in self pity for just a few minutes. You know, the whole “crying in the shower to get all the emotions out real quick” move…works like a charm. Most of the time, I am fine because I know that the decisions I’ve made, no matter how hard they’ve been, were the correct decisions in the long run. There is no doubt about that, but it doesn’t make the loss hurt any less.

Ending a 5-year relationship is going to be hard no matter what, but having everything end right before the holiday season is incredibly tough. I just had to keep telling myself that I’m doing the right thing, I’ll get through it, and I’ll be stronger. That’s all you can hope for, right? To battle your way through the sorrow and make it out on the other side with new strength and confidence? That’s what I’ll be working on from now until who knows when, but it’ll be worth it.

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