I keep meaning to write more, but I feel like something is always getting in my way. I’ve been working extra hours, my internet has been nonexistent in my room for three weeks, excuse, excuse, excuse. In all reality, I haven’t been publishing anything I’ve written because I always want the timing to be just right.
I find myself continuously wanting to hit “publish” when I know my writing will have the most effect. I make sure to share any big life changes or plans with some friends and family before going out and letting the internet know the updates. However, this causes me to constantly worry if I’ve shared with the right people, if I left anyone out, etc.
Many of the changes I make in my life or decisions to see where a certain path may lead often seems to be more of a big deal to the people around me than to me. I simply see my choices and directions as the next step, a building block to my life. Life can happen unexpectedly in so many different ways, and I’ve had to learn from experience that if you have a life plan you try and stick to without any wavering, your days are full of much more stress and worry. I’ve been trying to relinquish some of that control.
Obviously, all of this talk of changes and life plans has to lead somewhere. I’m not just rambling to ramble (even though I’m completely aware that is what most of my writing may sound like)- there is a point to this. In 30 days from today, I’ll be moving back to the states. I feel like my time in Germany is temporarily at an end. As a writer (aspiring or actual- I’ll let others be the judge of that), I want to see character development in my story. I want to see transformations, overcoming obstacles, adventure, and newness. I don’t want to look back at any more of my life and feel like it became stagnant. I’ve already had one of those dark periods in my life already and it was easily the hardest part of my life.
This isn’t a permanent move. It’s not a glamorous move. It’s a move of preparation, of being realistic. There will be a lot of hard work and sacrifice involved, but if I want any adventures to be possible down the road, this is the most logical next step. I’ll be in Texas for 75 days, and then it’s off again to the next chapter…I’ll give you one guess as to where I’m headed next.
Knocked Out No Longer 