I got an interesting email from a friend the other day, an email I was not expecting to get in this lifetime or any other. She just had one request for me: if I had any tips, songs, or articles to help with the moving on process because she knew I had been through a lot and had “come out better in the end”.
While it’s true that I have been through a lot and I’d love to use my story and experiences to help others, I never imagined that other people would notice and truly be interested in my advice. Along with the book that I’m working on about adoption, I have this pipe dream of helping young girls and women through difficult times they might be facing, especially when it comes to family or relationship-related issues.
I’ve tended to hide out in the shadows and avoid giving advice or opinions. I suppose that’s the shyness and the introvert in me. Sometimes, if it’s a topic I’m really passionate about, I can be a bit bolder and state my thoughts in a small group of people, but that’s always been my limit. I’m wanting to change that. One reason I’ve continued to blog (however infrequently) is that it’s a good starting point to share those thoughts, the history of what I’ve experienced, and the ways I’ve grown. I’ve always been better at sharing the deeper parts of my heart and soul when writing is involved.
I think one of the things I’ve discovered most in this reexamination of my life or reevaluation or whatever you choose to call it, is that having some sort of creative outlet is key. For me, that’s writing and sometimes drawing or painting. For others, that might mean doing something musical, or even just finding a system in your house to make menial chores more efficient. Being creative doesn’t always have to mean being artistic. Writing has been my way of getting my emotions out, whether they be happy, sad, frustrated, or just no longer motivated. One big reason I believe I was in such a deep depression for so long was simply because I was no longer able to get my emotions out. Bottling everything up causes people, or at least me, to implode.
Another important key to any sort of recovery that I’ve really been trying to practice is realizing that things happen for a reason. I read an article a couple days ago that presented the idea that each person in life has a lesson to teach. While a relationship might not have been a good fit, it shouldn’t be viewed as a failure either. Remembering that is so necessary for any type of healing. While you might not have any fond feelings for a person, you can at least know that they somehow impacted your life and you can grow from that impact. My first boyfriend was not a very good choice, but I learned to be a little more cautious before jumping into a relationship. The last relationship I was in, while emotionally draining and quite harmful to my mental health, showed me that I am far stronger than I thought I was and people can heal from even some of the hardest mental battles. It also taught me to trust my instincts more.
Obviously, one person isn’t going to have all the answers. I’m still learning more than I can ever express in words. Most of all, I remind myself every day that there are things to be learned and experience, and in order to grow as a person, I need to search out these lessons. Finding the silver lining, despite the cheesiness of those words, is becoming a habit in my life. If I’m able to do that, I can truly be proud of all that I’ve done and gone through because I’ve successfully made it through to the other side.
listening to: Damien Rice