Category: Reflections

Reflections

Not What I Had Planned

by KimLeave a Comment on Not What I Had Planned

Lately, it feels like my words have just been stuck. I’ve started six posts and just haven’t been able to finish them the way I’d like. Part of me feels a bit out of touch with my thoughts, almost like the words to describe everything that’s gone on the past few weeks have vanished.

This is certainly not the life I had planned for myself. When I graduated high school, I had dreams of being a big time architect with my own business designing gorgeous buildings. In college, my dreams turned to being an art teacher, music teacher, historian, and finally an event and wedding planner. Toward the end of my college career, I even thought that maybe I could successfully run my own jewelry business, going as far as owning my own jewelry shop online.

There were two constant themes in all of these different dreams: to do something creative with my life, and to get out of the town I went to high school in and live somewhere (anywhere) else. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be back in my hometown, living with my parents at age 25 and working as a server at a restaurant. I’ve had to fully restart my life this past year, and I knew that moments would get hard, but this just wasn’t ever in any of the plans.

There have been some hidden gems in moving back, and for those, I’m incredibly grateful. I’ve been able to strengthen relationships with friends I’ve had for ages, and I’ve gained other friends who are the type you know are just going to be there forever. I’ve also been able to see the true character of other people that I thought I knew, and while being in Tyler longer than a couple of months is still a painful idea for me, I know it’ll be a time that I’ll be able to look back upon fondly if I keep the right mindset.

It’s funny how life just never seems to work out how you’ve planned. I realize this is one of the most cliche sayings anybody can reference, but it’s so true. My life has taken so many strange twists and turns, both incredibly rewarding and terribly painful, but it now has me interested to see what will happen next. I think part of my writing hiatus has been because I’ve just gotten so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in the past month that my brain can’t process experiences into words. Either that, or I should reevaluate my dream of being a published writer because I just don’t have the discipline to constantly be writing.

So, this is my life in a nutshell at the moment: I’m 25, living with my parents, working as a server, I’m not moving to Alaska after all, and while I still have the grand final goal of traveling for a living, I have no concrete plan of getting that to work anytime in the near future. Here’s to hoping that something good will come out of all of this

Lago di Lugano- Paridiso, Lugano, Switzerland
Lago di Lugano- Paridiso, Lugano, Switzerland- August 2014

Damien Rice

Reflections

Transition Time

by KimLeave a Comment on Transition Time

It’s already been three weeks since I left Germany, and I can’t believe the weeks have gone by so quickly. I’ve been so busy that all of this writing has kinda taken a back seat, but I’m trying to figure out a way to schedule my time better to get all of my thoughts out.

I think that the time period of adjusting back to a way of living you were once accustomed to, but had changed, is a very interesting one. I’ve picked habits and behaviors back up without really being aware of why I’m doing them. The way I eat, sleeping routines, and my attitude all had slight shifts while I was in Germany, and part of me is almost worried that those changes I made will disappear completely if I don’t make a very conscious effort to keep them around.

A little rundown of what all has happened in the past three weeks is probably a good way to continue this post. I find that when I stop writing for a while, the first thing I hit “publish” on can be a little robotic and awkward in the sense that I’m trying to rediscover my voice.

I flew back into the states on October 15. I only spent a little over 12 hours outside of the airport because the next morning, I flew from Texas to New York to see Damien Rice on the end of his American tour for his new album. I’ve never flown anywhere for a concert before, so that by itself was an exciting experience, but the fact that I got to go with one of my closest friends from high school and stay with another friend while we were up there put the trip at an entirely different level. We only spent two nights in the city and flew back to Texas on Saturday morning, but it was a trip I’m not likely to forget anytime soon. Shameless plug: if you want to see some of the photos I took while up there, make sure to be following my Instagram. We did the entire trip very cheaply, because cheap trips are quickly becoming my speciality, so I’ll be trying to break down everything like I did for my Paris trip.

I had one day at home with my parents before my mom and I drove eight hours west on I-20 through Texas to visit her side of the family. It had been almost a year since I had seen all of them, and my grandmother hasn’t been in the best state of health this year, so it was really important to visit while I had some free time. There were multiple choir concerts attended, hugs for days, and even an incident involving my mom and aunt embarrassing me by having me sing an impromptu song at the nursing home for my grandmother. It was a fun trip, and I think what I needed to help with the adjustment process of living in Texas again.

Coming back to Texas meant one major thing: finding a job was the necessary next step. Lucky for me, I have plenty of friends still in the area and two days after spending time with some of those friends, I got hired to be a server at one of the local hibachi restaurants in town. I’ve never worked as a server or really in any sort of food service job, unless you count my first summer job at a snow cone stand, so it’s been an interesting transition into this kind of work. The hours are the complete opposite of what I’ve spent the last 10 months working, but the late nights suit me much better than early mornings. I keep telling myself that there are all sorts of lessons and experiences to be learned from a serving job, so it’ll be interesting to reflect on those once I’ve had a little more exposure in this field.

Cotton fields and wind turbines- West Texas
Cotton fields and wind turbines- West Texas
Reflections

Bis Später

by KimLeave a Comment on Bis Später

Ten days ago, I had to say tschüß to Deustchland.

I’ve never been very good at goodbyes. I tend to get all choked up and teary eyed. While I’ve said goodbye multiple times before during various moves, this was by far the hardest. There’s something about the bond you form with people when you’ve moved to another country and are surrounded by people who have done the same. When you aren’t surrounded by friends and family back home, those new friends become closer than any family that I’ve ever had

However hard all of this has been and will be, I do still believe that it will be worth it. I know there are bigger and better things ahead for me, but I think the key in all of this is just learning to take the chance. In my opinion, life should be all about opportunities…what experiences and lessons you can learn, if you will. Every experience will be a learning one, whether you realize it in the moment or not. Moving to Germany, I knew I would learn a lot, maybe even completely change my outlook on life, but I don’t think I was really mentally prepared for how much would be learned through living in another country. I’ve read all sorts of online articles about the difficulties of returning back home after living the ex-pat lifestyle, but it still didn’t prepare me for the change when I got back

Moving again just means more lessons, more hardship, but also more rewards. I believe every difficulty prepares you for something harder, and every hardship creates character and allows you to learn how to handle more in life. Comfort zones are broken down and you realize just how strong you can be when pushed to do something you previously thought was impossible.

Obviously, I’m still adjusting. I’m still getting used to being around a whole different breed of people again. I’m sure I’ll write about it more later, but the German lifestyle and the Texan one are very much opposites. It’s hard to explain this to people who haven’t traveled or done much outside of their hometown bubble, but I’m sure that even people who have visited another country for a month or so can relate. If I’m honest, I completely prefer Germany over Texas. I feel that the way people live over there is much more in tune with the way I want to live my life. I could go on for ages about the differences, but that’s a whole other topic entirely.

So Germany, it’s not really a final goodbye. I miss you terribly. I’ll see you later.

Zeil, Frankfurt, Germany - July 2014
Zeil, Frankfurt, Germany – July 2014
Reflections

Bucket Listing (A Rambleblog)

by KimLeave a Comment on Bucket Listing (A Rambleblog)

I’ve wanted to sit down and write all day, but I feel like my mind has just been all over the place. Most likely, it has something to do with the fact that the family I work for left on holiday earlier today, I’m moving back to the states next Wednesday, and will be in NYC the day after that. There will be some long Texas road trips following all of those travels, and I think there are just so many plans going on that my brain has gone into overdrive. In an effort to get all of my thoughts back into some sort of working order, I’m just going to type and see what happens, so this could be one of those rambling posts that might go on for a while or just end within the next 100 words or so.

I’ve been thinking about bucket lists a lot lately. I wrote a list up when I was 15 or 16, and while it included some things like “get my ears pierced a second time” and “be kissed”, it also had bigger things on it such as “move back to Alaska” and “visit other countries”. This list was in a journal that I called The Book, and I still have it in a keepsake box with some other sentimentally important items. As I did things on the list, I checked them off and wrote the date next to the item. Recently, I’ve been wanting to write up a new list, a more comprehensive list, that lists some very specific items that better encompasses the person I’ve become and the person I’m still becoming.

I’ve always enjoyed writing, but it wasn’t until the past couple of years that I really started to enjoy it and find my voice. I’ve already talked about the biggest project I hope to tackle in my life, but I’d also like to write some long piece of fiction and, if possible, a song as well. I want to learn another instrument, which I’ll hopefully get to start working on while in Texas. I want to live in another country for at least a full year, becoming completely immersed in the culture, and leave everything behind for long-term world traveling at least once.

Part of me wants to do these things because I want to prove to myself (and if I’m completely honest, other people as well) that I can come back from that darkness I was submerged in as a new, more interesting, and independent person. In my mind, I know I’ve already surpassed any expectations by leaps and bounds, but I don’t want to become comfortable where I am. I want to be constantly pushing the boundaries to see what all I can truly handle. At the end of my life, I want to have stories upon stories involving adventure, love, and victory.

I’ve been on another quote kick on pinterest, so I think this is where all of my “where do I want my life to go” rambling is coming from. I could write posts for weeks based on single quotes I read, but one that has been sticking out to me is “your life unfolds in proportion to your courage,” and I think it’s beautiful because the message is so simple. If you want exciting things to happen in your life, you have to be brave enough to welcome change and the uncomfortable moments. If you are constantly comfortable, you’re going to stay where you are and never grow into the person you could be. Be courages. Grow

Frankfurt, Germany- September 2014
Frankfurt, Germany- September 2014

listening to: alt-J

Reflections

A Night With Mraz

by KimLeave a Comment on A Night With Mraz

Last night, I got to see Jason Mraz live. I was introduced to his music back in 2005, and I’m been a fan ever since. He wasn’t one of those musicians that I was just dying to see in concert, but I’ve always admired his talent. After seeing his performance, my opinion of him has grown and changed. He’s a phenomenal musician and is incredibly talented. The band that’s been touring with him, Raining Jane, is filled with girls who can play more instruments than I can imagine learning how to play. Love music? Go see him live.

Yesterday’s date has some not-so-fond memories for me, so I was looking forward to the show distracting me. What I wasn’t counting on was leaving Alte Oper full of inspiration and a sense of peace. I really wish I had pulled out my journal during the intermission so I’d be able to share all of the thoughts that were running through my mind in the moment, but I failed to do so. The rest of this is just a pale replication of some of those thoughts.

At one point, he mentioned that people always ask him how he seems to stay so positive. He replied that he believes positivity is a choice- he chooses to be positive every day, because without that, there can’t be forgiveness, acceptance, etc. A lot of people speak about acting positively without actually doing it, but I think if you can make a conscious effort to stay positive whenever possible, it’ll reflect into your life and people will be drawn to that. I know from experience that staying positive is so much easier said than done- for countless months, I was unable to even genuinely smile. For me, finding the smallest moment of positivity can be considered a win.

The best part about this whole concert was just hearing all of the encouragement he was genuinely sharing with the crowd. It was refreshing to hear someone with his level of fame who still acted so down to earth. I appreciated it even further because the way he inspired everyone in the audience is what I really hope to do with this blog. Like I’ve said before, I want to be relatable and honest. I want to inspire people to share their stories and know that even in the darkest of life’s moments, there will be an end and the light will come back.

One of my favorite songs from the Yes! album is 3 Things mostly for the following lyrics: “the third thing I do now when my world caves in is I pause, I take a breath, and bow and I let that chapter end.” Those lines are quickly becoming the way I’m trying to live my life. I’ve always been a dweller on the bad moments in life, so a regular reminder to stop and collect myself before going to the next thing helps with closure, thus being able to properly move on.

As for the rest of the concert, there was a video on his trip to Antarctica featuring penguins, a sitar, amazing harmonies, and a surprise proposal. Well worth it.

Niederrad, Germany- October 2014
Niederrad, Germany- October 2014

listening to: Jason Mraz