Not What I Had Planned

Lately, it feels like my words have just been stuck. I’ve started six posts and just haven’t been able to finish them the way I’d like. Part of me feels a bit out of touch with my thoughts, almost like the words to describe everything that’s gone on the past few weeks have vanished.

This is certainly not the life I had planned for myself. When I graduated high school, I had dreams of being a big time architect with my own business designing gorgeous buildings. In college, my dreams turned to being an art teacher, music teacher, historian, and finally an event and wedding planner. Toward the end of my college career, I even thought that maybe I could successfully run my own jewelry business, going as far as owning my own jewelry shop online.

There were two constant themes in all of these different dreams: to do something creative with my life, and to get out of the town I went to high school in and live somewhere (anywhere) else. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be back in my hometown, living with my parents at age 25 and working as a server at a restaurant. I’ve had to fully restart my life this past year, and I knew that moments would get hard, but this just wasn’t ever in any of the plans.

There have been some hidden gems in moving back, and for those, I’m incredibly grateful. I’ve been able to strengthen relationships with friends I’ve had for ages, and I’ve gained other friends who are the type you know are just going to be there forever. I’ve also been able to see the true character of other people that I thought I knew, and while being in Tyler longer than a couple of months is still a painful idea for me, I know it’ll be a time that I’ll be able to look back upon fondly if I keep the right mindset.

It’s funny how life just never seems to work out how you’ve planned. I realize this is one of the most cliche sayings anybody can reference, but it’s so true. My life has taken so many strange twists and turns, both incredibly rewarding and terribly painful, but it now has me interested to see what will happen next. I think part of my writing hiatus has been because I’ve just gotten so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in the past month that my brain can’t process experiences into words. Either that, or I should reevaluate my dream of being a published writer because I just don’t have the discipline to constantly be writing.

So, this is my life in a nutshell at the moment: I’m 25, living with my parents, working as a server, I’m not moving to Alaska after all, and while I still have the grand final goal of traveling for a living, I have no concrete plan of getting that to work anytime in the near future. Here’s to hoping that something good will come out of all of this

Lago di Lugano- Paridiso, Lugano, Switzerland
Lago di Lugano- Paridiso, Lugano, Switzerland- August 2014

Damien Rice

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