Tag: moving

Reflections

Bis Später

by KimLeave a Comment on Bis Später

Ten days ago, I had to say tschüß to Deustchland.

I’ve never been very good at goodbyes. I tend to get all choked up and teary eyed. While I’ve said goodbye multiple times before during various moves, this was by far the hardest. There’s something about the bond you form with people when you’ve moved to another country and are surrounded by people who have done the same. When you aren’t surrounded by friends and family back home, those new friends become closer than any family that I’ve ever had

However hard all of this has been and will be, I do still believe that it will be worth it. I know there are bigger and better things ahead for me, but I think the key in all of this is just learning to take the chance. In my opinion, life should be all about opportunities…what experiences and lessons you can learn, if you will. Every experience will be a learning one, whether you realize it in the moment or not. Moving to Germany, I knew I would learn a lot, maybe even completely change my outlook on life, but I don’t think I was really mentally prepared for how much would be learned through living in another country. I’ve read all sorts of online articles about the difficulties of returning back home after living the ex-pat lifestyle, but it still didn’t prepare me for the change when I got back

Moving again just means more lessons, more hardship, but also more rewards. I believe every difficulty prepares you for something harder, and every hardship creates character and allows you to learn how to handle more in life. Comfort zones are broken down and you realize just how strong you can be when pushed to do something you previously thought was impossible.

Obviously, I’m still adjusting. I’m still getting used to being around a whole different breed of people again. I’m sure I’ll write about it more later, but the German lifestyle and the Texan one are very much opposites. It’s hard to explain this to people who haven’t traveled or done much outside of their hometown bubble, but I’m sure that even people who have visited another country for a month or so can relate. If I’m honest, I completely prefer Germany over Texas. I feel that the way people live over there is much more in tune with the way I want to live my life. I could go on for ages about the differences, but that’s a whole other topic entirely.

So Germany, it’s not really a final goodbye. I miss you terribly. I’ll see you later.

Zeil, Frankfurt, Germany - July 2014
Zeil, Frankfurt, Germany – July 2014
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The Struggle And The Growth

by KimLeave a Comment on The Struggle And The Growth

I spent yesterday wandering around what has easily become one of my favorite cities. I’ve got two weeks and two days left to say that I’m a resident of the Frankfurt area, so I’m trying to soak up every moment possible. I walked down Kaiserstraße, through the Zeil area, next to the Dom Römer, across the river on the Eiserner Steg (the bridge covered in locks), and along the banks of the Main River. In my opinion, the best part of the city is that it is situated around a body of water, and there’s nothing like being able to sit along the bank of that river and enjoy a sunny day. I also enjoy the face that Frankfurt still isn’t very touristy, but it’s a big international city, so you don’t often have to deal with massive groups of people.

I read an article months ago about the ex-pat life, and how it’s hard to really feel like you completely fit in back home after living in another country. I haven’t even moved back yet, but I’m already starting to feel that way. While the German culture isn’t as different from the American culture as some others might be, there are still many differences. I’ve gotten fond of the language barriers because I feel a strong sense of pride when I understand and can answer questions. My diet has completely changed, and the idea of throwing all of my trash in one big bin seems almost foreign now. Because of the heavy British influences in my friendships, some of the words I use in everyday language is different, and some people have even pointed out that my accent has changed somehow. Even now while I sit writing this, I think I’ll miss the German way of living far more than I would ever miss the American one.

Of course, whenever you go through a big move, you simultaneously go through a big change. If you chose to move back to your original location, it will never the same. You may look the same and you may continue to enjoy the same friendships, but you as a person will have grown and changed. With an international move, that change will inevitably include an expanded worldview.

I’m not looking forward to moving back to Texas (even though I know it’s just a temporary move) for that very reason. I’m excited to see friends and family, but I know I’m not the same person that I was when I moved away. In some ways, I feel like they might be meeting an entirely different person. At the risk of sounding conceited or overly proud or whatever you might call it, I feel like I’ve gained a sort of quiet confidence. I’ve become even more independent than before, and I know that the limits I used to believe were holding me back are now mostly nonexistent. I will have only been gone for nine months, but when you move away like I did, you’re forced to hit the fast forward button on changing and maturing.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “I’m not sure what I’ll do, but — well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.” This sentiment is one of the biggest reasons I want to travel and live in different places and immerse myself in different cultures- I want to grow. I don’t want to be stuck in some small town and keep a small worldview. It’s been so long since I’ve lived in Alaska that I’m not expecting anything to be as it was when I was a child. I’m excited to be back because I know there will be struggles and lessons to go through. Of course, the gorgeous scenery and a wonderful man are big things to look forward to, but most importantly, it’s a chance for me to grow even more. It’s time for that next chapter.

Frankfurt, Germany- September 2014

Frankfurt, Germany- September 2014

listening to: Jason Mraz

Relationships

An Exciting Turn of Events

by Kim1 Comment on An Exciting Turn of Events

Most of the time, you don’t get many answers to the “what if” question in life. You’re presented with choices, you go down one path, and life continues. Second chances don’t happen that often.

Toward the beginning of the year, I started catching up with an old friend from childhood. This old friend also happened to be my first serious crush, so the reminiscing, while embarrassing, was also very enjoying. Both of us were still very much in the middle of working through some serious issues, and I think just having someone to talk to who you had known for years was a big help.

A new relationship was never part of the plan. I wasn’t ready to start trusting someone again after the mess I had finally gotten out of the past few years. Yes, I was very aware of how attractive of a man he had grown up to be, but developing feelings? I was not prepared for that.

I think before romantic feelings really got involved at all, our friendship grew. Since we had known each other since childhood, I found myself sharing things about my life and what I had been through that I normally wouldn’t share with someone. We skyped every day. We talked about our childhoods, family stories, theoretical issues, etc. We didn’t have to talk about topics that both of us were knowledgable about either, which was nice. I could share ideas and thoughts about things I was interested in, and even if it did bore him dreadfully, he still appreciated my interest in whatever I was talking about.

The romantic part kind of snuck up on me. I could go into further details, but it’s entirely too mushy and emotional for me to talk about without experiencing the “why have I turned into such a lovey dovey girl all of a sudden?” feeling. Any of my close friends will tell you that I’m not much of the romantic type. Chick flicks, romantic novels, and cheesy love songs all give me the heebie jeebies. I realize that those things aren’t necessarily all true definitions or examples of romance, but you catch my drift- I’m not one of those girls. I’m the girl who is friends with a bunch of guys and who would rather sit around talking about beer and playing video games. I’ve even been described as a “dude in a chick’s body” (thanks for that, Caleb). I say all of that to say that this is an entirely new world for me, but I don’t really mind it one bit.

I feel like having to learn to use words to express the entirety of my feelings has really helped keep everything in perspective and helped me reevaluate my thoughts to make sure I’m following down the correct path. Anything long distance has previously seemed too difficult and not worth the effort, but in this case, it’s been the greatest way to build a strong base of trust and communication. It’s been hard, especially since there’s a major lack of skype time since my internet has stopped being so reliable, but the times we do get to talk are even more rewarding and special now.

I’d be lying if I said that visiting Alaska this summer and moving there at the end of the year has nothing to do with him. However, he’s not the only reason I’m making these decisions. I truly believe that moving up there will open up doors for me and is the correct next step for me. However, there’s no denying that being in the same city as him is one of the things I’m most looking forward to in the next year.

Beluga Point, Alaska- August 2014
Beluga Point, Alaska- August 2014

listening to: The Civil Wars

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A New Move

by Kim2 Comments on A New Move

12 years, 1 month, and 17 days ago, I made my almost 13 year old self a promise: I would return to Alaska to live one day. I was able to visit the first two summers after I had moved, but the visits were always far too short. I certainly made sure everyone I came in contact with knew of my love for the state.

As I got older, I felt like the dream would never become a reality. I thought about moving up there for college, but the schools didn’t offer what I wanted to study at the time. I researched jobs up there, but didn’t feel like I could make enough to cover living expenses. Something just always seemed to be holding me back. After my trip to Alaska a month ago, I was reminded more than ever of that promise I had made myself as a kid. I hadn’t visited for 10 years, but my memories of my home were as sharp as ever. That’s when I first started planning (really planning) my move back.

One thing I’ve learned in my time in Germany, and really in the past year in general, is to start taking more risks. I’ve started living my life in a bolder way, and I think those actions have had a freeing effect on my attitude. While I’m still aware of responsibilities and the need to think things through instead of acting on every impulse I might have, I’ve stopped dwelling on possible outcomes for so long. I’ve learned to trust my gut a bit more.

December 29 is the moving date. I’ve got a couple of jobs lined up, a place to live with rent less than I ever imagined having to pay, friends that I’m excited to reconnect with more, and a new(ish) man that swiftly became the highlight of every day several months ago (more on that later- I’m still trying to figure out all the best words to start that story).

I know this is the next step I’m supposed to be taking. Things keep falling into place, and I feel at peace. Will I be there forever? Probably not, but while I’m living in the states again, there’s no place I’d rather be.

Alaska- August 2014
Alaska- August 2014

listening to: Damien Rice

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30 + 75 Days

by KimLeave a Comment on 30 + 75 Days

I keep meaning to write more, but I feel like something is always getting in my way. I’ve been working extra hours, my internet has been nonexistent in my room for three weeks, excuse, excuse, excuse. In all reality, I haven’t been publishing anything I’ve written because I always want the timing to be just right.

I find myself continuously wanting to hit “publish” when I know my writing will have the most effect. I make sure to share any big life changes or plans with some friends and family before going out and letting the internet know the updates. However, this causes me to constantly worry if I’ve shared with the right people, if I left anyone out, etc.

Many of the changes I make in my life or decisions to see where a certain path may lead often seems to be more of a big deal to the people around me than to me. I simply see my choices and directions as the next step, a building block to my life. Life can happen unexpectedly in so many different ways, and I’ve had to learn from experience that if you have a life plan you try and stick to without any wavering, your days are full of much more stress and worry. I’ve been trying to relinquish some of that control.

Obviously, all of this talk of changes and life plans has to lead somewhere. I’m not just rambling to ramble (even though I’m completely aware that is what most of my writing may sound like)- there is a point to this. In 30 days from today, I’ll be moving back to the states. I feel like my time in Germany is temporarily at an end. As a writer (aspiring or actual- I’ll let others be the judge of that), I want to see character development in my story. I want to see transformations, overcoming obstacles, adventure, and newness. I don’t want to look back at any more of my life and feel like it became stagnant. I’ve already had one of those dark periods in my life already and it was easily the hardest part of my life.

This isn’t a permanent move. It’s not a glamorous move. It’s a move of preparation, of being realistic. There will be a lot of hard work and sacrifice involved, but if I want any adventures to be possible down the road, this is the most logical next step. I’ll be in Texas for 75 days, and then it’s off again to the next chapter…I’ll give you one guess as to where I’m headed next.

Tel Aviv, Israel- March 2014
Tel Aviv, Israel- March 2014