Not What I Had Planned

Lately, it feels like my words have just been stuck. I’ve started six posts and just haven’t been able to finish them the way I’d like. Part of me feels a bit out of touch with my thoughts, almost like the words to describe everything that’s gone on the past few weeks have vanished.

This is certainly not the life I had planned for myself. When I graduated high school, I had dreams of being a big time architect with my own business designing gorgeous buildings. In college, my dreams turned to being an art teacher, music teacher, historian, and finally an event and wedding planner. Toward the end of my college career, I even thought that maybe I could successfully run my own jewelry business, going as far as owning my own jewelry shop online.

There were two constant themes in all of these different dreams: to do something creative with my life, and to get out of the town I went to high school in and live somewhere (anywhere) else. Never in a million years did I ever think I’d be back in my hometown, living with my parents at age 25 and working as a server at a restaurant. I’ve had to fully restart my life this past year, and I knew that moments would get hard, but this just wasn’t ever in any of the plans.

There have been some hidden gems in moving back, and for those, I’m incredibly grateful. I’ve been able to strengthen relationships with friends I’ve had for ages, and I’ve gained other friends who are the type you know are just going to be there forever. I’ve also been able to see the true character of other people that I thought I knew, and while being in Tyler longer than a couple of months is still a painful idea for me, I know it’ll be a time that I’ll be able to look back upon fondly if I keep the right mindset.

It’s funny how life just never seems to work out how you’ve planned. I realize this is one of the most cliche sayings anybody can reference, but it’s so true. My life has taken so many strange twists and turns, both incredibly rewarding and terribly painful, but it now has me interested to see what will happen next. I think part of my writing hiatus has been because I’ve just gotten so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in the past month that my brain can’t process experiences into words. Either that, or I should reevaluate my dream of being a published writer because I just don’t have the discipline to constantly be writing.

So, this is my life in a nutshell at the moment: I’m 25, living with my parents, working as a server, I’m not moving to Alaska after all, and while I still have the grand final goal of traveling for a living, I have no concrete plan of getting that to work anytime in the near future. Here’s to hoping that something good will come out of all of this

Lago di Lugano- Paridiso, Lugano, Switzerland
Lago di Lugano- Paridiso, Lugano, Switzerland- August 2014

Damien Rice

Transition Time

It’s already been three weeks since I left Germany, and I can’t believe the weeks have gone by so quickly. I’ve been so busy that all of this writing has kinda taken a back seat, but I’m trying to figure out a way to schedule my time better to get all of my thoughts out.

I think that the time period of adjusting back to a way of living you were once accustomed to, but had changed, is a very interesting one. I’ve picked habits and behaviors back up without really being aware of why I’m doing them. The way I eat, sleeping routines, and my attitude all had slight shifts while I was in Germany, and part of me is almost worried that those changes I made will disappear completely if I don’t make a very conscious effort to keep them around.

A little rundown of what all has happened in the past three weeks is probably a good way to continue this post. I find that when I stop writing for a while, the first thing I hit “publish” on can be a little robotic and awkward in the sense that I’m trying to rediscover my voice.

I flew back into the states on October 15. I only spent a little over 12 hours outside of the airport because the next morning, I flew from Texas to New York to see Damien Rice on the end of his American tour for his new album. I’ve never flown anywhere for a concert before, so that by itself was an exciting experience, but the fact that I got to go with one of my closest friends from high school and stay with another friend while we were up there put the trip at an entirely different level. We only spent two nights in the city and flew back to Texas on Saturday morning, but it was a trip I’m not likely to forget anytime soon. Shameless plug: if you want to see some of the photos I took while up there, make sure to be following my InstagramWe did the entire trip very cheaply, because cheap trips are quickly becoming my speciality, so I’ll be trying to break down everything like I did for my Paris trip.

I had one day at home with my parents before my mom and I drove eight hours west on I-20 through Texas to visit her side of the family. It had been almost a year since I had seen all of them, and my grandmother hasn’t been in the best state of health this year, so it was really important to visit while I had some free time. There were multiple choir concerts attended, hugs for days, and even an incident involving my mom and aunt embarrassing me by having me sing an impromptu song at the nursing home for my grandmother. It was a fun trip, and I think what I needed to help with the adjustment process of living in Texas again.

Coming back to Texas meant one major thing: finding a job was the necessary next step. Lucky for me, I have plenty of friends still in the area and two days after spending time with some of those friends, I got hired to be a server at one of the local hibachi restaurants in town. I’ve never worked as a server or really in any sort of food service job, unless you count my first summer job at a snow cone stand, so it’s been an interesting transition into this kind of work. The hours are the complete opposite of what I’ve spent the last 10 months working, but the late nights suit me much better than early mornings. I keep telling myself that there are all sorts of lessons and experiences to be learned from a serving job, so it’ll be interesting to reflect on those once I’ve had a little more exposure in this field.

Cotton fields and wind turbines- West Texas
Cotton fields and wind turbines- West Texas