Past, Present, Future

I’ve come to the realization that I live far too much in the past. Being nervous about talking to people I went to high school with because we weren’t exactly friends, thinking that an attachment to an ex existed because it always felt like unfinished business between the two of us…I think that’s a major cause for a ton of my mistakes lately.

They say that living too much in the past can be a contributor to depression, just like living too much in the future can enhance any anxiety issues. Living in the present, in the now, is the healthiest way to live. As much as I want to try and do that, I catch myself reverting to the past time and time again.

I have made progress though. It finally hit me this weekend how much I focus on things that have happened in the past without being in the moment and enjoying the good things that have been happening to me lately. This was a polite kind of slap to the face how I need to be more present and do things for myself.

I’ve been lamenting my current life situation and generally just throwing myself a pity party. I’m tired of it. Truthfully, I’ve got it pretty good at the moment. I have no obligations or responsibilities due other people, and all I really have to worry about right now is playing financial catch-up from the past few years. I am literally surrounded by supportive people everywhere I turn, and I feel at peace.

This is a good time. A good season. I can focus and work on things in the now without having to worry too much about how it’ll effect my future. I can learn to live a simpler, more rewarding life. I can continue the mental and emotional growth that started in Germany, even though I really want to be stubborn and insist change needs to happen while living where my heart wants to go. All of this truly is a mindset, at the risk of sounding too cheesy or dippy.

Living in the present is my goal. It’s been my goal for a while, but it needs to be made more of priority. As always, making my goals public force me to actually work on them because it gives me something to prove. Maybe that’s a fault of mine, but at least it gets things done.

listening to: Damien Rice